Food Issues

For children who live in institutional settings, their reality is that there are very few adults and many children. (Picture 30-40 toddlers and two adults.) These institutionalized children do not receive the attention they NEED to develop into physically, socially and emotionally healthy children. These institutions also have limited financial resources, and so often ~ and it is so hard to imagine ~ these children are not fed an adequate amount. Day after day. Like for years. Babies might receive two or three bottles a day, propped on a pillow, for example. This is not uncommon. It is heartbreaking.

common orphanage sleeping room

And even though our kid was in a really "good" orphanage as far as those things go, we have a child with food issues. We believe he knew hunger.

Not our fatty-McFatfat American wah-wah-wah-I'm-HUNGRY-Ineedanotherfastfoodhamburger hungry.

36 chairs to feed these 2 year old children in one little room and one nanny to supervise

More like a painful am-I-ever-going-to-see-food-again desperation hungry. Day in and day out. Maybe other children fought him and took his food away. I suspect that sometimes. He eats really slooooooowly and he can be kind of passive so the other kids would have had the opportunity. I know him now, and I know what his eyes look like when he is hungry. And I think back to the pictures we have of him when he lived at the orphanage and I see those hungry eyes.

All the unknowns. Trying to figure out the puzzle pieces to heal our kids.

Perhaps his food issues are all a need for control in his little world. Because he had absolutely positively zero control (and zero value for that matter) before we met him.

I am sad because I have not been helping our son with his food issues very well. I have my own food issues, and this is a tough one for me. Me, the Mama, I have not been doing a good job with our son in this area. Would our bonding have gone much better had I been a good Mama around the food issues? Probably. So I feel pretty crummy about this.

But I can't go back...

So we go forward and are going to make some changes around our house, and we are praying that it creates a better healing home for our munchkins.

Healthy food will be available. All the time. This is what you read and hear about in Attachment 101, and we haven't done a great job of it. We have tried and WE the adults have gotten discouraged when meals are not eaten because they have snacked too much. The always-available-food may not be the most desirable, but it will be something they like. For example, if we always have yogurt available (definitely a most desirable food in our house - in fact we have to limit the number of yogurts each of them eats a day), our munchkins would choose yogurt all day long and never eat anything else :)

So we choose Cheerios. In a little baggie if anyone needs a snack between snack & mealtime, and with milk if someone doesn't like the meal. A friend used to let her kids make their own peanut butter & jelly sandwiches if they didn't like a meal which is a totally awesome idea, but our kids don't like PB&Js. Cheerios with milk = carbs+protein+fiber+low sugar. And not something they will prefer before anything else. I think it might work. Jas and I feel hopeful that this may decrease the stress issues that center around food in our house.

And create a more loving, healing home for all of us.

the boys with Baba after his half-marathon

(((hugs))),
chris

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
                         Matthew 25:40

I Got a Job!

I got a job!

(insert jump and click heels together here)

I officially start in August. It is a teaching job, and I am actually looking forward to being a teacher again!

After I left my teaching job long, long, long ago, I was asked many times if I would ever go back to teaching. I remember over and over again saying that I loved teaching the kids, and if teaching was more about the kids and less about paperwork and politics then yes I would go back. But since it's not... then NAH I'm not going to teach again.

So here I am really excited to be a teacher again! Because this time it will be all about the kids...



OUR KIDS!

Direct your children onto the right path,

and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Proverbs 22:6

We decided to commit to homeschooling for a year. We will give it a year and see if it works for Josh and if it works for our family. We are looking forward to the flexibility. Our daily schedule can adjust to what works for Josh, and what we need for our lessons. We are looking forward to being able to have God in our classroom. And we are looking forward to being the ones who teach our kids.

I was going to add paragraphs of reasons why we are homeschooling, but it sounded so much like defending our choice that I deleted it... In our real life I have gotten some weird reactions when casually mentioning homeschooling to people. Strange looks. Long awkward silent pauses. Odd and intrusive questions.

The questions are always about the socializing issue.

Here is how Josh was "socialized" in second grade: cuss words, including how to spell those cuss words, drunk truck driver game, "what is 'gay'?", sitdownandbequiet, sitdownandbequiet, sitdownandbequiet- the class can't sitdownandbequiet so norecessforyou!, and the "importance" of material things just to name a few. How can 35 hours a week in a minimally adult supervised environment be good for socializing our 8 year old son? I am so grateful that he comes to me to ask about these things he was exposed to ~ like some cuss words he didn't understand, and drunk driving, and what "gay" means. I was able to teach him these things that he was unfortunately exposed to. Praise God for the fact that we still have that open communication. We don't want to lose that.

And that's one of the great mysteries of this past year... if the class can't be quiet and sit, or be still and quiet and wait in line, then recess is taken away. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN TAKING RECESS AWAY FROM A RESTLESS CHILD BE HELPFUL FOR THEM??? That child or those children need recess even more! Ugh. Anyhoo I digress...

And there I go sounding like I am defending our choice.

So back to... we are so excited to give this a try! We will homeschool Josh this year and keep the munchkins at their current school for preschool and half-day kindergarten. I am planning to do some afternoon schooling activities with David and Sammy too, and maybe involve them in some things Josh is learning when appropriate. We know it won't be easy, and we will have "those days" when we all question our choice to homeschool. We will try to keep our eyes on the long view and all the benefits. I have been reading a lot about homeschooling and I like that homeschool is really "family school" and it is a lifestyle.

Count us in! We are all so excited!

(((hugs))),
chris

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

                        Galatians 2:20

Our Biggest Bundle of Joy

Joshua.
Joshy.
Josh.

The fruit of my loins.

Josh still loves snuggles.

He is supersmart and loves learning. He is "into" Harry Potter right now.

I often find him reading his various science fact books for fun.

He is still superaddicted to Legos. And spinning things like Beyblades.

He thinks making finger rabbit ears behind someone's head is really funny. Every time.

He loves his brothers.

He makes up jokes. Then has to explain them as he rolls around laughing about them.

He likes playing baseball and basketball. Please noone tell him about football...

He knows we are not going anywhere. That we are his forever.

Josh,

It has been so much fun watching you grow.

Like a front row seat to the greatest show on earth.

I love you tons and billions and trillions and googleplex.

Love,

Mom

xoxoxoxo

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

~ Psalm 23:6

Our Middlest Bundle of Joy

David.

Ah, David.

He has to be our most complicated kid. Which makes sense since he has the most complicated history.

David has come a long way. When I look of pictures of him when he lived at the orphanage... I can't believe it's the same kid.

I see this on other blogs I follow too. The hollowed-out orphan look of despair that turns into the smile of a child who has found peace in their new home. God's story of redemption. God using our broken families to do His work.

Here, I'll show you what I mean:

David has amazing strategies to compensate for the areas in which he struggles.
In fact, he fooled us for a year and a half.
We now know he may have a pretty severe learning disability, and we are working with him to help him either overcome it or adjust to it.
Amazing, isn't it? How a little kid can have such huge coping strategies to help him survive?

He's a pretty cool kid.

He loves his brothers and his friends and his teachers.

He will do anything his big brother tells him to do. :(

He loves animals.

He is super athletic.

He is overwhelmed and fearful in large groups or when it's too loud.

He loves his 3000 stuffed animals. These are very comforting to him.

He needs reassurance. He needs to be reminded that we are forever.

He loves to snuggle.

He is a great helper.

He is a lovey.

David,
We love you soooo much
   that we would go to the ends of the earth for you.
Yes, I promise. We are here totally forever.
Love,
Mama
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
     for I am trusting you.
  Show me where to walk,
     for I give myself to you.

Psalm 143:8

Our Littlest Bundle of Joy

Sammy.

Yes, his jammie pants are on his head :-)

He's our 32 pound firecracker.

He is loud. And silly. And smart.

He loves fiercely.

He wants what he wants when he wants it.

He needs lots of reassurance. He needs reminders that we are forever.

He likes to tell funny stories and sing funny songs. Loud, of course.

He feels strongly. About everything.

And all these traits have served him well, and will in the future.

Sammy,
You add such a spark to our family.
We love you and we adore you.
Yes, like a THOUSAND.
Love,
Mama
xoxoxoxo


Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
                         ~ Romans 12:10

Life is Good

so very good. Praise God!

Someone visited our house a few weeks ago, and casually made a reference to our life (what she was looking at as we were sitting out in our backyard on a beautiful Sunday morning) as a unicorn.

So I have been pondering that.

I think she meant the peaceful, loving, two parent family, financially stable, one parent stays home with the happy children, a present and involved father, friendly dog running around, house in the 'burbs with plenty of food in the fridge and two cars in the garage, kind of lifestyle.

The life that everyone wants, but most people will never have.

It sure hasn't always felt so awesome. And if you have read this blog for a while, you know we have had a rough road at times. And I haven't even shared it all. And I won't. :-)  Off the top of my head: since we have been married we have lost two fathers, we have lost seven babies, Jason was in a shooting at work, and we have been faced with the possibility of breast cancer.

Which is not even what other people have to face. We have never been homeless. We have never been in the middle of scary medical life-saving treatments. We have never been hungry. Our house never burned down and we haven't been in horrible accidents.

Praise God! His protection has been on our family all the time...

I do not take this for granted.

Just for today it feels like we have arrived. Yes, we are the unicorn. And it's not because everything and every moment is perfect and happy and wonderful. It is because I rest in the knowledge and peace that my Father in Heaven is always there caring for me and loving me.

So even if tomorrow things feel like they are falling apart, even if there is some terrible accident, or if there is a scary diagnosis, or we are facing something big and scary, I know that we are always in our Lord's hands.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

There is truly an incredible calm... an incredible peace in knowing this.

God's heart breaks over so many things in the world. I will live to honor and glorify Him. I want to make my Father proud.

I want to make Him smile.

(((hugs))),
chris

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose
thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3

Hello Blog...

I have missed you. I have been thinking about you lately and counting the reasons I have you:

1) to praise God and share all the great things he is doing in our lives
2) to keep my not-right-here family updated
3) to ponder random things that are on my mind
4) to share cleft-related thoughts and stuff
5) to share adoption thoughts and our journey
6) as a personal journal of sorts

So my dear Blog, I missed you and am back! For today I will share pictures of what we have been doing lately. More words next time.

Love,
chris

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33

the boys put their White Sox flags in front of the house
Yes, yes, our three year old is wielding a hammer high above his head...

DH and #1 look so much alike :-D

Dressing up as a superhero and... um... something quite FABULOUS

Playing in the van

jumping off rocks

jumping off rocks in flip flops
'cuz it's not like we ever started our summer with a broken ankle or anything...

Mother's Day with my boys ~ fishing and picnicking
I had the best Mother's Day EVER!

old man cat Killer got a haircut

David's last day of preschool
we have a kindergartener in our house now :) just ask him

Sammy's last day of school
notice Sammy is in David's class pic and David is in Sammy's class pic
good thing I know the other kids in the class heehee

We got David's T-ball and Josh's baseball uniforms.
Yes, White Sox fans, we have another Cubs in our house.
The only thing that could make that funnier is if Sammy is on the Cubs team when he starts T-ball.

I got a new bike ~ it spins around in crazy circles and we all LOVE it!

And, we are ready to start summer now!!!

David Update

He's doing really great!

He's still in lots of pain, but the pain meds we have are doing the job well enough.

He is talking a lot so I think the most painful thing is swallowing. And he has had trouble with acidic foods hurting the incision under his tongue.

At the hospital he had many things hurting him: the IV, the inside of his lip, under his tongue, his throat, his neck, it hurt to talk, the band with his name on it was cutting into his leg... I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Oh ya, they tried to start an IV in one hand and couldn't get it in so the IV was in the other hand.
(I think there was a student in the O.R. and I know they have to learn somewhere but sheesh... when it's your kid...)

So slowly one by one these owies are getting better.
The non-IV hand with the bruising felt better.
The IV went away.
We cut the name band off his leg (why do they make those things with such sharp edges and put them on so tight????).
He can talk without pain.
Under his tongue feels a little better.
Inside his lip feels a little better.

Here's an unexpected thingy ~ he can't move his neck or turn his head without it being really painful. He is moving around like he has a super stiff neck, and when we even touch the outside of his neck he flinches in pain. Which makes total sense because the throat bone is connected to the neck bone ya know and it's all swollen up in there still.

So we are still waiting for his neck and throat to feel better.

This recovery has been easier on D in some ways and easier on the family. 1) D can feed himself with a spoon, 2) we don't have to worry about him bumping his face and splitting open, and 3) he can go potty by himself. Which sounds like a lot of little things but those three things make a huge difference for us! It allows David to stay pretty independent, and it allows us to have time to parent all our kids. Then when D has a meltdown moment, our other kids aren't so attention starved that we can actually take care of D uninterrupted.

He has been playing with his brothers and having fun, so I predict he will be back at school next Monday. Which will make him super duper happy.

Praising God for healing our little boy so quickly!

(((hugs))),
chris

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
                            Hebrews 11:1

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
                           Jeremiah 17:7