Intrusive Questions

Still.

Un-freaking-believable.

I get the intrusive questions.

You think I would have this all figured out.

Or at least be able to field the questions with tact. And love.
To be the adoption ambassador. Or something like that.

Nuh-uh. No sirree. Not me.

Today, at kindergarten-preschool pickup... a person who volunteers regularly in one of the classes called out to me as I was talking to and carrying Sam out of the preschool classroom upside-down, "Are Sammy and David biological brothers?"

I stopped. And paused.

Because... are you effing kidding me?

And it's not a secret, and most of the people we know at the school know they are not.

I have had conversations with this woman about the fact that they were from different parts of China. I guess I shouldn't expect anyone to remember the deets about our kids. She has talked with me about the fact that my son talks JUST like a girl adopted from China did last year ~ she has no cleft... was adopted as an infant I think... I don't really care but they are both Chinese and adopted. Several conversations that left me bristling a bit. Too personal.

So I didn't know how to answer politely. Because there were parents all around. And it just felt...

INTRUSIVE.

And inappropriate.

And why-the-hell-does-she-need-or-want-to-know????

And then I said to her, "No." and walked away to the car shaking my head. Still carrying Sammy upside down.

I got home and there was a missed call from the school.

My new response when I start to feel like someone is invading my sons' personal information is this, "Why do you ask?"

I just looked that up. I googled "how to handle intrusive adoption questions" and here were over 4 million results for that question. I am not good at this because when I am ticked off I can, well, sound ticked off.

So to the people at the grocery store who ask if they are twins (we get that ALL the time sometimes multiple times on a shopping trip), "Why do you ask?"

And to the people who ask where are they from, "Why do you ask?"

And to the people who ask how well they understand English, "Why do you ask?"

And to the people who ask how long have we had them, or when did we adopt them, or were they adopted together, or how much did they cost, or anything else, "Why do you ask?"

Because if you don't have a need to know, then you don't need to know.

And I guess this Mama still needs to be on guard for the sake of the munchkins. Protect their stories. That's my job as the Mama Bear. I gotta get better at this someday.

(((hugs))),
chris

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
        Colossians 3:17