The Two-Fer

A few weeks ago, we went to the Empowered to Connect conference. It is a conference that is for adoptive parents ~ in a nutshell to learn how to love and parent and understand our adopted children better. The main speaker is Dr. Purvis who is a developmental psychologist. She has dedicated her life to helping traumatized children including those adopted from orphanages. She is kind of known as the adoption-attachment-guru, and I especially love her ideas about attachment and bonding.

Well, we only made it to the second day of the conference, but it was still amazing. I remember in the morning, the first session, I just felt like, "Oh, crikey, I am not doing any of these things! I have totally ruined my children! Oh my! I am a terrible mother!"

Then, the day went on, and I started to remember that these ideas that were being passed along were tools that we could use with our kids. It is OK if we don't follow her ideas exactly and all the time. We can add it into our parenting "toolbox" and use what we want and keep the rest for later if we need it.

Whew! I haven't ruined their lives! Not yet, anyway....   hehe

So we left during the last session ~ the question and answer session. When I was waiting in the lobby for my hubby, the question I heard over the TV monitors was, "Should we adopt more than one child at the same time?"

Dr. Purvis answered very very briefly, but her answer was no. Bad idea. Nuh-uh. Don't do it. Do not adopt more than one child at a time. She said it is a bad idea because you cannot adequately meet the intense, pervasive needs of two or more children who are new to your family at the same time.

(I paraphrased as best I could remember anyway)

I agree, that has been one of the most difficult things about bringing two home at once. When one is crying and needs you, the other one inevitably and sometimes all of a sudden starts crying and needs you. It is hard in those moments. You feel torn, and as the parent you know you are not meeting one of their needs as well as you should. And given their history, they need those needs to be met immediately to help them learn to trust.

We have done our best.

It is all we can do.

But the one thing we KNOW, the one thing that Dr. Purvis didn't address, was that if you are doing what God wants you to do, if you are doing what God TELLS you to do, then you ARE doing the right thing for your newly adopted multiple children. I have been noticing lately that as different as their little personalities are, our munchkins go together.

Found them in the backyard yesterday with the hose on watering the plants

And the trees

They wrapped the hose around this tree 3 times and were both pulling on it
when I suggested they walk around the tree the other way...

Gotta keep their heavy equipment clean too

And they most definitely go with their big brother too.

Their first attempt at a "sleepover" on Josh's floor

God has made it crystal clear all along the way that we were supposed to adopt these two boys. We obeyed Him, and now we do the best we can with His children. We are so blessed to have them in our family. They belong together, and they belong with us.

(((hugs))),
chris


You will keep in perfect peace
     all who trust in you,
     all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
                                     Isaiah 26:3