The Two-Fer

A few weeks ago, we went to the Empowered to Connect conference. It is a conference that is for adoptive parents ~ in a nutshell to learn how to love and parent and understand our adopted children better. The main speaker is Dr. Purvis who is a developmental psychologist. She has dedicated her life to helping traumatized children including those adopted from orphanages. She is kind of known as the adoption-attachment-guru, and I especially love her ideas about attachment and bonding.

Well, we only made it to the second day of the conference, but it was still amazing. I remember in the morning, the first session, I just felt like, "Oh, crikey, I am not doing any of these things! I have totally ruined my children! Oh my! I am a terrible mother!"

Then, the day went on, and I started to remember that these ideas that were being passed along were tools that we could use with our kids. It is OK if we don't follow her ideas exactly and all the time. We can add it into our parenting "toolbox" and use what we want and keep the rest for later if we need it.

Whew! I haven't ruined their lives! Not yet, anyway....   hehe

So we left during the last session ~ the question and answer session. When I was waiting in the lobby for my hubby, the question I heard over the TV monitors was, "Should we adopt more than one child at the same time?"

Dr. Purvis answered very very briefly, but her answer was no. Bad idea. Nuh-uh. Don't do it. Do not adopt more than one child at a time. She said it is a bad idea because you cannot adequately meet the intense, pervasive needs of two or more children who are new to your family at the same time.

(I paraphrased as best I could remember anyway)

I agree, that has been one of the most difficult things about bringing two home at once. When one is crying and needs you, the other one inevitably and sometimes all of a sudden starts crying and needs you. It is hard in those moments. You feel torn, and as the parent you know you are not meeting one of their needs as well as you should. And given their history, they need those needs to be met immediately to help them learn to trust.

We have done our best.

It is all we can do.

But the one thing we KNOW, the one thing that Dr. Purvis didn't address, was that if you are doing what God wants you to do, if you are doing what God TELLS you to do, then you ARE doing the right thing for your newly adopted multiple children. I have been noticing lately that as different as their little personalities are, our munchkins go together.

Found them in the backyard yesterday with the hose on watering the plants

And the trees

They wrapped the hose around this tree 3 times and were both pulling on it
when I suggested they walk around the tree the other way...

Gotta keep their heavy equipment clean too

And they most definitely go with their big brother too.

Their first attempt at a "sleepover" on Josh's floor

God has made it crystal clear all along the way that we were supposed to adopt these two boys. We obeyed Him, and now we do the best we can with His children. We are so blessed to have them in our family. They belong together, and they belong with us.

(((hugs))),
chris


You will keep in perfect peace
     all who trust in you,
     all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
                                     Isaiah 26:3

Guess Who is SEVEN Now???

Oh my... We can't believe our #1 son is now 7 years old!!! Where have the years gone?

I still remember the day he was born like it just happened. What an incredibly amazing day. It was cold and drizzling when we drove to the hospital, and it was snowing a day and a half later when we left with our brand new baby cone head boy.

This year it was sunny and 75 degrees ~ beautiful!

Josh decided he wanted pizza for lunch and pizza for dinner. We found a recipe for a "breakfast pizza", so we surprised him with pizza for all 3 meals! Josh was in heaven!

We convinced Josh to have a birthday party out of the house somewhere (yay no setup or cleanup!), so he decided to have a party at the bowling alley. There were 10 boys total, ages 6 and 7, and the munchkins were not invited... (We couldn't talk Josh into that for anything...)

Here are some pics of the party:

I have no idea what they are doing...

Cool Lego Ninjago cake, eh?

After the party EVERYONE took a nap :o) and after dinner we celebrated with the brothers (and Grammy and Aunt Shel were in town too).

What a fun day!

But I think we won't have pizza for the next month or so...   ugh...

(((hugs))),
chris



Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
            ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

The Cuteness

Wearing their birthday crowns ~ you can't practice singing Happy Birthday too many times!

Big bro flying a kite ~ the winds weren't quite hurricane-force that day

Loooooove the pouty face

D loves animals

At least this random picture that showed up on our computer didn't contain guns...
I have been informed that Lego-Jai is holding a scythe... 

Have a happy Monday!
(((hugs))),
chris



So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I
have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another
will prove to the world that you are my disciples.  John 13:34-35

Sam & Dave

This looks nothing like our Sam & Dave...

I am just in a strange sort of mood today  :o)

(((hugs))),

chris

Guess Who's 4 Now?

Happy Birthday, David!

Our #2 son turned 4 years old!!! David went to school that morning (he loves school!) and brought cupcakes for everyone, then we had a low-key birthday party at home with just our family in the evening. David chose our dinner ~ noodles of course!

D wearing his birthday crown from school

Hey, let me blow out my own candles!

Candles relit, sing again, and he blows out his own candles on his first birthday cake.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for
good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those
days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly,
you will find me. Jeremiah 29:11-13

First Day of School

I didn't cry.

I swear.

Well, maybe I got a little choked up and my eyes leaked. But just a little.

David was so cute yesterday. He could NOT understand why he had to wait to go to school. There are 55 minutes between big bro's school start time and his school start time. Let me tell ya, 55 minutes is a LOOOONG time to walk around the house wearing your backpack and talking about school.

Here he is:

Walking around the house wearing his backpack

We're finally at school

Ready for his first day of school!

Dropoff went fine. He was a little anxious/shy at first but the teaching assistant swooped him right up and took him off into the classroom. I love the teaching assistant. No phone calls all morning... but we were standing by and ready just in case! When we picked him up, we peeked into the window and he was sitting with his class on the carpet paying attention to the book the teacher was reading. Too cute... We were told that David did great ~ no problems at all ~ and that he is a joy to have in class.

The rest of the day, David bounced around the house in super-happy mode smiling and laughing and playing tricks on us. And wearing his backpack. And reading the note that his big bro left in his backpack for him that morning. I guess he really really really really likes school.

So we're at yet another new stage in our life. Our second kid is officially in school.

And yep, he sure is a joy. :o)

(((hugs))),
chris



For you, LORD, are the Most High over all the earth;
   you are exalted far above all gods. 
Let those who love the LORD hate evil,
   for he guards the lives of his faithful ones
   and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. 
Light shines on the righteous
   and joy on the upright in heart. 
Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous,
   and praise his holy name.        Psalms 97:9-12

Joshua

I am still madly in love with this little boy:

Joshua's 1st Grade School Picture

Our #1 son, Joshua, is a strong, understanding, loving boy. I am so proud of him. Life hasn't always been easy in our house and we've had our challenges, but Josh has always taken things in stride. He is flexible and understanding and forgiving. He always tries his best at whatever he does. He is so smart: he's reading around a 2nd-3rd grade level and his comprehension is great. His math ability is advanced for a 1st grader, and he enjoys non-fiction books. He loves learning. He is also active, and is doing awesome in his swimming lessons and at riding his two-wheeler bike. He has enjoyed T-ball and basketball. He will start basketball again in January, and will do T-ball next summer.

He still has an addiction to Legos.

Joshua is a sweet boy. He needs his snuggle time. Like NEEDS it or things just ain't right. He received a character award at school last week. He lit UP when he saw all of us walk in the auditorium. Look at him in his light blue uniform shirt wearing his school ID around his neck ~ he's such a big kid. His teacher is the blonde and she has been such a blessing to Josh. Check out the picture:

Thank you, Lord, thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou for giving us this little boy to care for and to love and to raise. I promise to do my best as his mother. Thank you for blessing me with the experience of carrying him in my womb and birthing him and nursing him. It was incredible. It still is incredible watching him grow.

Somewhere along the way, somewhere between Surgery Day and Bye-Bye-to-the-No-No's Day, somewhere in there something clicked and he really REALLY loves his brothers now. They became HIS brothers. He claimed them. It's so cool. We never ever wanted Josh to be an only child, and he's not anymore. And he knows it.

(((hugs))),

chris

2 Corinthians 13:11  Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

One Month Later...

It has been one month since we adopted the boys.

One month since David last slept in an orphanage.

One month since Samuel said goodbye to his loving foster family.

What a difference a month can make!

David then

David now

Samuel then

Samuel now (he's actually waving at the camera hehe :)

We pray as a family. We pray at meals, and we pray at bedtime. Sometimes we even remember to pray together in between (but not often enough). In China, David thought praying was funny. He would giggle every time I folded his little hands in mine and prayed with him. Now, David is initiating prayers at meals. One night last week, Jason was putting Samuel to bed and Josh was in his own room. I started to pray with David, and he stopped me and insisted that Baba, Samuel, and Joshy come and pray too. So we did. When David prays, he folds his little hands and interlaces his fingers. He brings his hands to his chin, and closes his eyes and stays like that until we're done praying. He says, "Amen". At meals, Samuel folds his hands too. When we pray before bed, Samuel smiles and giggles and folds his hands and likes to pray out loud. Out LOUD the whole time along with whoever is saying our evening prayers.

I didn't know Jesus until much later in life, and we want things to be different for our boys. We want them to know Jesus all through their lives. To know He is always with them and that He loves them. That no matter what is going on in our lives, we can find comfort in Him and direction in His word. We pray for this personal relationship with our Lord for each of our boys.

Praising God for the first month of a lifetime together,
chris


Deuteronomy 4:7  What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him?

Psalm 145:18  The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

GIMME A T!!!! GIMME AN A!!!!!

What does that stand for?

!!!!!!Travel Approval!!!!!!

Yes, peeps, it's true! We got our a-OK from Ch!na to come 'n get 'em!!!

When? you ask.

Not sure when we're traveling yet.

In the meantime, enjoy the trip through time...

Samuel's referral picture - our first look at him
Taken September, 2010 when he was about 11 months old

Most recent picture of Samuel taken July 6, 2011
He is 21 months old now

David's referral picture - our first look at him
Taken early September, 2010 when he was about 2 yrs 8 mos old

Most recent picture of David taken June 29, 2011
David is 3-1/2 years old now

We love you, munchkins! Mama and Baba are coming for you really really soon!

Stay tuned for more information to follow in a couple days...

Everyone, pray for August 1, 2011 Gotcha Day for the Oehlkers!


Isaiah 40:31  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

David Update!!!

This is the last official-from-our-agency update on David that we'll get before we meet the boys. A while ago we requested an update on Samuel also, and are expecting our foster sponsor update sometime soon as well. But for now, we have David's update, and we only received measurements and two pictures so here's a picture:

His measurements are all the same, except he gained a pound. His skin TB test came back positive which is common in Chinese kids who have had the infant vaccine, so an X-ray confirmed he is negative for TB. We'll have to repeat the TB tests while we're in China. We connected with a family who is adopting a little girl from the same orphanage as David. They should be meeting their daughter in a couple days and visiting the orphanage this week, and they said they would try to get a couple pictures of David. We have been so blessed with pictures of David and people who have met David... God is good.


Colossians 3:15  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Yes! We all have American names!

First, I want to give a little shout out to our neighbors.

HOWDY NEIGHBORS!!

We have great neighbors, have I mentioned them yet? They all know Bill the Mailman too, so I think they appreciated the Bill the Mailman post. They have our blog now and read it now and then so there ya go...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also I changed the "comment" setting so anyone can comment now (sorry Mom)...
So no excuses, people! Everyone can comment now whenever the mood strikes!
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We had only one winner of the "What's different here" contest (yay Amber!). David officially has a middle name ~~~ Michael!!! (Can you tell we're "into" biblical names?)

Way to go, Sergeant Secret Squirrel! Thanks for FINALLY choosing a name for the kid ;-)

So we have #1 son Joshua Thomas (We both liked Joshua, and Thomas was my dad's name)

And we have #2 son David Michael (Jas chose David, and Michael is my birthday-buddy uncle's name)

And then there is #3 son Samuel Kenneth (I chose Samuel when 1 Samuel 1:27 kept coming up for me early in the adoption process(thus the title of our blog), and Kenneth was Jason's dad's name)

Have a peaceful day!
~Chris


1 Samuel 1:27  For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.

Hmmm, what's different here?

Can anyone find the change on our blog page???

Want a hint?

Ya, not gonna give any hints ;-)

Any ideas? Anyone?

Good luck!


Daniel 12:1  At that time Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise. There will be a time of distress such as has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered.

Updates on the Munchkins!

We received an udate on Samuel last week ~~ yay God! According to the report, he has grown nearly 3 inches and almost two pounds. He's now about 30 inches tall and weighs 18.7 pounds. We are trying to picture what that looks like... we'll be borrowing some friends' kids to measure them soon :-).  The report also says Samuel had a cleft lip repair surgery scheduled, but he had a cold and a fever so they cancelled the surgery. Will he have his lip fixed before coming home? We don't know. He is getting stronger and likes to walk around and doesn't like to be held (developmentally appropriate for a toddler, eh?). The report said he fell over and hit his head (as you can see in the picture). He is not afraid of strangers and smiles all the time. He is smart, and a cute and lovely boy. Here Samuel is with his foster granddad:

We didn't get an official update on David via our adoption agency, but last week I (Chris) did get to meet the American couple who knows David. Wow. I was in awe. They are my heroes. Jason and I can feel God's hand in bringing us together, and we have been blessed. Here they are (they have the cutest son):

They shared with me that David is a sweet, quiet boy who smiles easily. He understands what you say when you speak to him. He is not aggressive like so many of the other kids at the orphanage. They seemed surprised that David was over 3 years old, and guessed that David would be about the same age as Samuel when they heard Samuel was 19 months old. They also shared bunches about life in China and in David's city, and I am still in awe that I got to meet our angels. I believe we'll have an ongoing relationship with them, and THAT, my friends, is super-cool. Here is a random picture of David from a couple months ago:

Romans 8:31-32  What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?

Just In Case You Wanted a Looksie ~~

Because I love looking at their pictures, I thought I would share so you could look at them too!

David is going to be a ball player!

Samuel says, "Mama, I have the car keys. Let's go home now."



2 Corinthians 4:17  For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long.
Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

More Updates... Already?!?

Yup. You betcha. We received updates on both boys this week ~ high five to God! Thanks for the birthday presents :-D

Samuel has gained several pounds since last October. It looks like he will be able to ride forward-facing in the car by the time we bring him home. His foster family received our package. Samuel plays with toys, his health is good and he is active. Notice that in his picture he has a set of car keys in one hand and crackers in the other hand. Here he is:

We received more pictures and a couple videos of David from our Datong angels. Our angels were a lifeline to David made only by God! The gifts they have given us... well, we just feel humbled and blessed and will be foreverandeverandeverandever grateful to them. Here is David:

Pretty cool, huh?


Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart,
   for everything you do flows from it.

Update on Samuel!

We received an update on Samuel! There is so much info, both on the lines and in between.

• Samuel has grown a little in the past two months. (This is important because it is sometimes hard for kids with cleft issues to eat.)
• He knows his name and answers questions. (His hearing might be OK.)
• He imitates people talking on the phone and picks up the house phone when it rings. (Imitating is developmentally appropriate, but let's not have the 1 year old answering the phone... LOL)
• He loves to play outside with friends and does not mind cold weather. (He plays ~ developmentally appropriate ~ and he has friends yay! :-) 
• He is getting better at cruise-walking.
• He makes a funny face to get others to laugh. (He's a jokester, and he initiates positive interactions with people.)
• When it's time to eat, he sits in his little chair and waits for his food. (I wonder if he waits quietly...)
• His favorite food is egg with noodles. (His foster family feeds him solid food that includes protein ~ sounds obvious but that's not always the case with orphan cleft kids.)

I guess I have to learn how to make egg with noodles.

And you guys should SEE the picture they sent ~ I think it is exciting. Here it is. It is Samuel with his foster grandmom, and she is leaning into him and snuggling him... OOH he is LOVED!!! Thank you, Lord for putting our son in a loving home!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Love Your Little Brothers

This evening Josh and I were coloring in a dinosaur coloring book, and we started talking about Josh's little brothers. We agreed we were both really excited to bring them home.

A few minutes later, Josh told me he was really excited to play with David. Josh said he would play catapult with him and fling him across the room...

giggle-giggle

Josh said he would play submarine with David and shoot him out in a torpedo...

giggle-giggle

I asked if he was planning on also playing with Samuel. Josh said, "Nope."

Josh said he would play Nerf with David and make him the bullseye target...

roll-on-floor-&-giggle-giggle

Josh said he would play pirate with David and make him walk the plank...

belly-laugh-giggle-giggle-oops-gotta-run-to-the-bathroom-before-I-pee-my-pants

Oh my. Here we go. (I can't make this stuff up.) We'll be working on this verse:

John 15:12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.

No walking the planks involved...

His Perfect Timing

This process sometimes feels like it is draaaaaaaagging on and on and when are we EVER going to go to China and this is taking forEVER. As I was looking up the dates for our timeline, I was reminded that we only started down this road three months ago. There's my shot of perspective for the day. Already God has shown us who our two sons are. Yes, it is hard for us to wait especially since we know who our kids are now. But we are able to start caring for them now too. We are able to be Samuel's foster sponsors, and have already sent him a care package. We have connected with other parents from David's orphanage yahoo group and have received more pictures of him. We will be sending David his first care package this week and hopefully it will get to him before his 3rd birthday. So, no, we don't get to hold them yet, but we do get to start taking care of them. Our God is amazing!

Being matched with our boys early has also been a blessing for our son, Joshua. When we started looking into adoption this time around, we talked with Josh about it. Let's say his response was less than accepting. He is a kid who processes change in bits, and he has come around full circle. Now Josh is so excited to have two brothers. We have pictures all over the house, and Josh will ask random questions about them. The latest was, "Mom, how old is Samuel?" out of the blue. Just processing in bits. He had a "moment" in October that was his turning point. Josh and I were playing skeleton family ~ Momma (me), big brother (Josh), and baby skeleton (a skeleton doll decoration thing). Josh wanted Momma Skeleton to put the two kids down for a nap, so I tucked them in on the couches under blankets. Josh pops up, says, "Wait, Mom", grabs the baby skeleton and runs into the kitchen and throws him on the floor. After Josh ran back to his couch "bed", he said, "That is China. You need to go get the baby in China." So I said, "OK, Josh, let's go to China." Josh said, "No, mom, you need to go by yourself on a big plane and I will wait here until you bring the baby home." I tell you, we played skeleton family for the rest of the afternoon... We prayed for God to soften Josh's heart toward adoption, and He answered our prayers. All in His perfect time.

1 Samuel 1:27   I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.