When you adopt two orphans, how do you know when it is time to leave them with someone else?
Adopted kids can have BIG issues that other kids don't have. It's sometimes hard to tell when the kids are having issues related to their adoption (such as abandonment or grief or anger issues), or when they are just having regular age-appropriate developmental challenges. As adoptive parents, we are sensitive to not wanting to etch those adoption-related issues deeper into their little selves. We consciously want to nurture and heal the boys and help them to trust and attach and to feel safe and secure.
And I want to share that I am soooo not perfect at always creating this sort of nurturing environment. I have lost it a few times. Like yelled and cried and crumpled into a ball on the floor. Not exactly creating the best atmosphere where the munchkins can feel safe, eh? Not exactly being the best example of a consistent, loving mother, eh? I succumb to the pressure and stress sometimes. Adopting two is really something else.
We have heard from several friends that going from two to three kids was the most difficult jump. We laugh in the face of that and say, "HAHAHA we'll skip the jump from 1 to 2 kids, and go straight to 3! And stir in a whole mess of issues from their past! Bring it on!"
Maybe we're just crazy.
(cue in the "koo-koo, koo-koo" sound here)
But it feels more like this is God's idea. So we embrace all the challenges and bad moments, and get past them. I apologize and ask for my sons' forgiveness. I pray harder to love our sons the way God loves me. Unconditionally. Completely. Just as I am.
So back to how do you know when it is time to leave them with someone else?
In retrospect, I wish I would have realized that I didn't need to worry so much about leaving newborn #1 with someone we really trust. Newborns are clueless. They will mostly sleep, and cry when they are hungry or need a diaper or want to be held. Very basic and (assuming not colicky) easy to care for. Even if they need to be held the whole time you are gone, big whoop.
The munchkins, ya, not quite so clueless.
Now, with D, we are dealing with indiscriminate affection issues. That means he will be affectionate (i.e. hugging and touching) toward anyone. No fear of strangers. Which makes it easier to leave him with anyone. Because he will go to anyone. Anyone, anywhere. Grocery store, doctors' office waiting room... you get the idea. So if we leave him with people we trust, we're good to go. Not creating any deeper issues. In fact, we left him in his church class last Sunday and he did great. Teacher said he was quiet and didn't want to participate in the singing and dancing, but he seemed to be taking it all in and was content. We checked him a few times, and saw him trying to get adults' attention in the class. But he was happy. Exactly what we would expect.
We also tried to leave S in his church class on Sunday, but... well let's say it is too soon for Samuel to be left by himself in his class :o)
We don't have family very close by to help out with babysitting. We do have some close friends, and they are really more like family anyway. So last week one time and this week one time we left both boys with our good friends for an hour or two. They had played at both houses so we knew things would be familiar to them. They did great! No crying or fussing or anything! Woot woot!!!
Thank you, beautiful friends!
Our next step with Samuel is to leave him at a friends' house by himself sometime. Maybe after the holidays.
Our next step with David is school.
(insert big GULP to ward off tears here)
We had a meeting with the school district, and D qualifies for speech services. So because he is in the 3-5 year old range, he will receive those services in a school setting. Three mornings a week.
(another big GULP and blink back tears...)
So today we go to our elementary school and register David for preschool. His teacher is super-sweet, and his speech therapist used to be a preschool teacher which is a huge bonus. We feel that this is clearly where D needs to be, and we know God's hand was in this. Before the meeting, I was totally gearing up to fight for what D needs. God was already handling it, as always :o) Teacher reports that the kids in class all work together well and help each other out. We'll also visit the class today so David can meet his teacher and his new school friends.
And David is soooo excited to go to school. You should see how happy he is when we talk about it.
I'll let you know how the first day goes...
(((hugs))),
chris
